My work as a chaplain at Toronto General Hospital included caring for those waiting for heart transplants. Some waited for many months. Everything that they did or ate was recorded, even the number of grapes because they contain fluid and fluid intake had to be strictly monitored. Finally, a heart became available for one of my patients whom I had been seeing regularly. His family was overjoyed. But, after the surgery, this gentleman was unbearably depressed. His wife and children could not understand. He had been given a gift, the greatest gift. They were struggling because they had believed that he would be ecstatic. He would heal and then finally come home.
I, too, was at a loss. Then I learned that there are biological reasons for the depression. It has to do with brain chemicals. It seems that certain types of surgery can trigger depression. The biological part of the depression could be helped with drugs. But there are spiritual issues, too. For him to live, to come home to his loved ones, someone had to die. It is very difficult to wish death on someone in order to receive a heart and know that some other family is going to be mourning. One can become heart-sick. How does one rationalize the death of one to save another? I don’t think it is possible. I don’t think one can ease this type of pain, logically. There are times when the psycho-social sciences are not enough. That does not mean that you should turn away from drug and talk therapy. But, I have yet to find a medical term that deals with forgiveness, especially forgiveness of oneself, first, for having prayed or wished for the death of another. A belief in a forgiving God makes the process possible. There are many today who belittle religion. Do not let them turn you away from Spiritual Care. For many, including me, religion provides another source of strength in that fight against mental illness.
