Remember the nursery rhyme: Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me?
Not true. Children never commit suicide over broken bones. But they do over broken souls.
I think the difference between being bullied and being emotionally abused is age. Children are bullied. Adults are emotionally abused.
I remember talking to someone who worked with people who are abused. She said that she thought it might better to be physically abused than emotionally abused. You could at least say-See, I have a broken arm, a black eye and blood dripping down my chin.
How do you see emotional abuse?
I remember when I was about eight years old I got into a squabble with another eight year old. Well, it spiraled out of control. I was accused of using foul language. Words I had never heard of before-I know them now. Words whose meanings I did not know-I do now. I was sent to the principal’s office. Mr. Salmon. A tall guy-at least in the eyes of an eight year old. A man of authority. He told me that if I did not confess to the accusation I would be suspended. That was frightening to me. I confessed.
I think it was at that moment that I decided in the back of my mind that I would never, ever let anyone bully my kids. Ever.
I think bullies are angry young people who either don’t know with whom they are angry or why they are angry. They take their anger out on the next weakest person. I think we do our children a disservice when we tell them as a first line of defense, go tell someone if you are bullied, or, don’t worry, this too shall pass. We need to empower our sons and daughters to take control over their lives, to stand up for themselves, to speak up for themselves. Otherwise we run the risk of turning them into victims, filled with a sense of helplessness which I know from personal experience, can lead to despair and depression. If our children don’t develop coping skills, the bully will just be emboldened.
The ninth commandment revealed at Mount Sinai 3500 year ago says: Thou shall not bear false witness. You won’t lie. You won’t gossip.
Words abused are weapons of destruction.
