While the media shares the calls of the wild for the right to end life, to normalize abortion; and Twitter shared  #ShoutYourAbortion, often for no other reason than “just because,” very few seem to care for those who lose an unborn child or cannot conceive at all.

There are about 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. every year. Between 900,000 to1 million of those end in pregnancy losses EVERY year. That is approximately 1 in 4!

Fetus at 12 weeks-three months

More than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage (occurring during the first 20 weeks).

Approximately 26,000 end in stillbirth (considered stillbirth after 20 weeks)

Approximately 19,000 end in infant death during the first month.

Approximately 39,000 end in infant death during the first year.

These statistics have no impact on abortion rights!  No sir. In 2020 there were 930,160 abortions nationwide, up from 916,460 in 2019. Still not enough?

Yelling, screaming, demanding abortion. I have the right to kill an unwanted unborn! How dare you be pro-birth?

After all, freedom is all about rights. Except for the fact that a free society balances rights with responsibilities. What happened to responsibility? To the common good, to the social contract? Caring for the other while caring for oneself? Hillel asked: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” A true balancing act but one that must be accomplished if we are going to continue to live in a free society.

Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, peace order and good government are firmly rooted in the same ethic that gives us freedom; the Judeo/Christian ethic that clearly states ALL LIFE IS SACRED. We start there. Not with self-regarding ethical systems-all about me.

As a Chaplain, I was called to the bedside of women who had required a life-saving abortion. I can’t begin to describe the sadness, a word that does not do justice to their feelings.  We have rituals, religious and secular to celebrate the great events in life, but also those that cause great suffering. Often the social workers and nurses would make up a memory box – with anything they could from the fetus; a footprint or handprint. If possible, a photograph. Something to acknowledge that for some time there was LIFE.

Losing a baby via a life-saving abortion or through miscarriage is traumatic.

At 10 weeks of pregnancy blood clots  are passed. They are dark red and look like jelly. They might have what looks like a membrane inside, which is part of the placenta. The sac will be inside one of the clots. At this time, the developing baby is usually fully formed but still tiny and difficult to see.

At 12 to 16 weeks of pregnancy, the fetus will be tiny and fully formed. If you see the baby it might be outside the sac by now. It might also be attached to the umbilical cord and the placenta.

Do you think this might be traumatic for a husband and wife, a mother and father who so wanted this new life?

Many women who lose a baby in pregnancy can go on to develop mental health issues that last for months or years– even when they have gone on to have healthy babies.

I can’t being to imagine how these women, my patients, would react, today, 20 years later, to women screaming for unfettered abortion, attacking the Supreme Court and crisis pregnancy centres  which help pregnant women fighting to keep unborn babies alive. The pro-abortion radical group dubbed “Jane’s Revenge” declared “open season” on pro-life pregnancy crisis centers.  Abortion bullies.Then there is Google, clearly labeling results for healthcare facilities that provide abortions.

And not to worry, Dear America, Canada will welcome any woman seeking an abortion to cross in to Canada, with or without a vaccine! Because Canada knows abortion is a right!

While we hear women demanding the right to abort, too often we leave out the men.

Women scream that if men had babies, abortion would be unquestioned. Really? Spoken to any men, fathers, husbands who have lost a baby?

What began as an attempt to save the lives of women desperate to end a pregnancy, and too often dying in back rooms, has evolved, or devolved, to rights of women becoming so overpowering that we no longer consider the rights of others; from the unborn child; treated no better than a hangnail, to the father. We have so removed the father of the child that we now have discussions about male toxicity!

When a woman screams for an abortion, was the father of the child consulted?  Does he not have rights? Half of the genetic material in that unborn child belongs to him! We forget that fathers lose a child when there is a miscarriage. He had dreams, too.

While studies suggest men’s feelings are usually less intense, they still feel everything from sadness to anger and confusion. Research also shows men are more likely to channel their emotions into harmful vices, such as increased alcohol consumption. I wonder how they feel when they are not even consulted before an abortion?

It’s unusual to hear men talking about miscarriage; the topic remains taboo, and, according to Dr Sandra Wheatley, a social psychologist with a special interest in parenting, that’s largely due to gender stereotypes. “It’s just not acceptable in Western culture for [men] to be as devastated about a pregnancy loss as a woman. And it can multiply that burden when they feel they must hide it.”

And “(men are) not expected to be that attached because they haven’t been physically, and the pregnancy hasn’t imposed its presence on their everyday being,” Wheatley says – although viewing the baby via ultrasound enhances that connection and can subsequently intensify feelings of grief.

Although men show different response patterns after the event of a miscarriage, in general, the emotions experienced are similar to those felt by women: grief, anxiety, stress and depression. Some quantitative data suggest that men are just as likely to experience as high or higher levels of grief as their female partners. But “shhh,” we don’t want to see our men as “weak.”

Chris Whitfield, whose experience of miscarriage prompted him to develop the support platform Miscarriage For Men says demand for help from men is clear: since launching Miscarriage For Men in March 2021, “the reception has been surreal. I’ve had over 60,000 visitors to the platform and over 1000 direct messages. I’ve got guys reaching out who had a miscarriage 25 years ago, saying they wish they’d had this platform then.”

Considering the screaming to end life, I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for our men; husbands and fathers. They’re voices are silenced.

Do we acknowledge the feelings of loss of a father? They’re ability to cope with this loss and how miscarriage may affect relationships in the future? And what of men who cannot conceive? Their sense of failure? Their lost dreams? Do we care about them? Of course not!

Wonder what men feel when they see men and women screaming for the RIGHT to take the life of the unborn? Do these bullies care? How often we hear men being demeaned, yet where are these people when fathers cry over the loss of their baby?

These pro-abortion people have no concept of the sanctity of life or they would not behave this way. They would not belittle the emotions of those who need an abortion, who miscarry or cannot conceive, by screaming for the right to end life. They are deaf to their pain.

Somewhere along the way they did not learn to care for the other.

From the Ethics of the Fathers: “Rabbi Tarfon used to say, it is not incumbent upon you to complete the task, but you are not exempt from undertaking it.”